I mean, do you prefer your partner built for comfort or for speed?

I remember a party I was at in my 20’s, talking to another woman who was a little on the plump side, rather voluptuous. She was bemoaning how unattractive she was and wishing she was thin like me: “Because men like thin women”. “Rubbish!” I replied – and went on to prove it by asking every young man in the room whose figure they preferred, hers or mine. All but one (including my future husband!) admitted they preferred her figure. She was astounded. She’d really believed the hype about thinness. It completely changed her attitude to herself in general and to her sexuality in particular. It gave her greater self-esteem. And that made her sexier.

Because when you think about what makes for sexiness and good sex – self-confidence is a major factor. If you think there’s something about you that’s not appealing, you’ll feel less sexy, and that means you will actually be less sexy.

Sexy is head stuff. It comes from within your head. How you feel is how you are.

It doesn’t matter what size you are. Full-figured, voluptuous people can be far more luscious than skinny twigs. All that flesh and softness and roundness – just like a juicy peach. (See my last blog entry to read about what you can do with a peach!)

And in one of those weird paradoxes that life, and sexuality, is full of – if you feel you’re unattractive you’re less likely to have sex so you’ll feel less attractive which means you’ll have less sex, and so it goes. In contrast, if you feel reasonably confident and have sex, you’ll improve your self-esteem which will make you feel more attractive and means you’ll have more sex and feel even better about yourself!

It’s your choice whether you buy into the media hype about sexy slimness and follow the negative feedback loop, or whether you tune into the luscious sexiness within you, regardless of your shape, and follow the positive feedback loop.

There might be a few positions that are trickier for a fuller figure – but as my third blog pointed out, you don’t need bells and whistles for great sex, just look at all the variations on basic missionary position. But having said that, fuller figured people can use any number of props and toys to add comfort and titillation to their sexual activities.

One problem I have heard from larger people is that they get tired more quickly. Well, that’s only a problem if you make it one – it can also be a great reason for interspersing more intense sexual activity with some long, slow, sensuous activities. In fact, that’s what great sex is!

You’re only limited by your beliefs, and are as free as your imagination takes you. Whoever you are.

And the added bonus, is that an active sex life helps keep you in shape. It mightn’t trim you down to size 0 (but would you want that anyway?) – but it will help keep you fit, supple and toned, whatever your size.

So, what’s holding bigger people back from fabulous sex – being out of shape and low physical self-esteem? Well then – have some sex!

Big Sex is Beautiful Sex!!

(And for those of us on the skinny side – Skinny Sex Is Great Too! It’s All Great!)

Wishing you better sex,

Jacqueline Hellyer

The Holistic Sex Coach

For more information see:

www.bettersexsecrets-online.com

For more information see:

www.sex-secrets-for-busy-people.com

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Great sex does not come from pills, props or positions.

Those are the icing on the cake.

You need to know how to make the cake before you ice it.You need to know about making the time and the place, about surrender and sensuality, about intimacy and eroticism. That’s what makes sex great.

Then if you want to add a few toys or try out some new positions (and possibly try pills or sprays to aid erection – but only under medical advice), go for it. But a dildo on its own won’t spice up a flagging sex life. Let’s look at something really basic to see what I mean - good ol’ fashioned missionary position: man on top, woman on bottom.

Try it like this:

For information on the PreLaunch of my new book see 

www.sex-secrets-for-busy-people.com

Well, certain aspects of sex are natural – reproductive sex is natural. Put the right body parts in close proximity and most people can fumble around enough to get the bits to function, at least well enough to procreate. But that doesn’t make it good.

Good sex is not natural.

Sex that is immensely pleasurable, intensely intimate, highly erotic, that leads to personal transcendence and ecstatic states of bliss, sex that is uniquely human - that doesn’t come naturally. That is far more than a physical joining of genitalia. To have the kind of sex that humans are ultimately capable of involves the physical and the mental and emotional and even the spiritual.

Good sex is learned.

Good sex is an Art.

Like any art, the Fine Art of Sex takes understanding and practice to master.

Let’s look at an analogy with food. Eating is natural, it’s a natural instinct that keeps us alive, and most people can fumble around enough to be able to prepare food that’s edible and sustains them. Sure, make some toast, boil an egg, order take-out from McDonald’s, anyone can do that. But to make a gourmet feast, that’s another story. To reach full culinary potential requires dedication, learning, practice and desire.

Fortunately for cooks, there are plenty of books and courses available to develop their skills in the culinary arts. But there’s not a lot of material available in the modern western world to help people master the Art of Sex. It takes more than learning a few top tips, using the latest sex toy or trying out a new and clever move. That kind of advice is icing on the cake. That would be like teaching cooks how to ice the cake before they learn how to make the cake.

We need information on how to make the cake, not just ice it. We need information on how to master the ART of SEX.

Do you agree? Or not?

Stay Tuned for Myth #3

Wishing You Better Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer

World Renowned Holistic Sex Coach

For information on the PreLaunch of my new book see
www.sex-secrets-for-busy-people.com

Check my You Tube video for the interview I did on Mismatched Libidos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp5lEqkZIik

What do I mean by ‘sexual potential’? I mean outrageously mind-blowing sex.

The trouble is, not many women reach their potential, or even get close. Most women don’t even have any idea what their potential is. Men have even less idea, and even if they did, they’d have no idea how to get her there. (Not that it’s up to him to get her there, a women who’s tuned into her sexuality knows that it’s up to her to work with him to get herself there.)

Women are made for sex, women’s bodies are designed to generate the most extraordinary levels of pleasure - for her, and through her, for him.

Consider the clitoris. This delightful little organ has no purpose whatsoever other than to provide exquisite pleasure. And it has twice as many nerve endings as in the head of the penis.

That reminds me of a joke where God’s putting the finishing touches to Adam and Eve. He calls them over and says:

“Adam, Eve, you’re nearly done. I have just two more items left to give you, but only one of each, so you’ll have to choose. OK?”

They nod, OK.

“Right then. The first is the ability to pee standing up.”

Adam shoots up his hand excitedly, and cries out:

“Yes, yes, me, me, that sounds cool, I’ll have that one!”

“Fine,” says God, “here you are Adam, you and your male descendents now have the ability to pee standing up. So Eve, you get the multiple orgasms.

“Yep, unlike men, women can have multiple orgasms. In fact we can have a whole variety of orgasms – clitoral, g-spot, deep vaginal, and those are just the genital orgasms. Women can also have orgasms from non-genital stimulation – nipples, neck, toes, just to mention a few other delicious body parts – and even from fantasy alone.Women can stay at a very high level of arousal for a very long time. They can enjoy that ride alone, or stud it with numerous orgasms, or have one long, long orgasm that lasts and lasts. Unlike men, who tend to reach a certain level of arousal, have one orgasmic peak and then it’s all over. (It doesn’t have to be like that – but that’s another story.) Masters and Johnson, the famous sex researchers, said that “Women have an infinitely greater capacity for sexual response than a man ever dreamed of.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m convinced that God is female, or at least that S/He wants women to have lots of really extraordinary sex.

Do you agree? Or not?

Stay tuned for Myth #2

Wishing you Better Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer

World Renowned Holistic Sex coach

For information on the PreLaunch of my new book see
www.sex-secrets-for-busy-people.com

Check my You Tube video for the interview I did on Mismatched Libidos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp5lEqkZIik